Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
