i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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