whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
