my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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