Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize