I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
