P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We don't watch enough power rangers
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
