Your mouth is God's brothel.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
