Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
