Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
