Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
