America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
