Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
