is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
