i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
