Acid is not a monday night drug
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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