Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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