Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
