all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
