Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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