i want to swaddle you in tequila
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize