We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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