Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
