It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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