that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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