i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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