remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
