maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
