the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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