I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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