My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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