Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
