I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
