You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
