Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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