Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
