Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
