Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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