thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
