listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
