I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
