i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
