Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
