Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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