Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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