Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Also, beer. Big fan.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
