he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
