Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
