well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
