Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
my poor anus
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
