are you still at the devil's house?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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