Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize