I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
