i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
