Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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