question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
