Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
And then the night went full on bisexual.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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