South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
