I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
