So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
A bitchslap is in order.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
