Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize