a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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