Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Randomize
