she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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