He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
