using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
