So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
